Because I'm Still Waiting For the Good Day

My boss’ name is Rita. Rita’s from Texas. One of our other executives walked into her office yesterday and said, “What’d Texas do to you?”

Is that funny? Because I’m still trying to find out if that’s funny. I just don’t think that was funny. But maybe that’s because it’s been a bad week. It’s actually been a bad two…maybe even THREE weeks. I’m sure you could tell by the really bad writing I just done did. I can’t even formulate a proper sentence, let alone make SENSE. I’d like to just blame it on Katrina or Rita (not my boss) but then I would feel guilty about THAT because I still have a home that is still standing…that is not flooded…I know where my children are. I still have my job and my car and a bed, not a cot.

But since I need to laugh, let’s make fun of my life. It’s always SO much more fun that way:

I have a MIL that really must think that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing as a mother because she just can’t seem to shut up. I’m thinking she may have a form of Turrets. But instead of any foul language and expletives, it is all about BUTTING IN. I feel I should consult a doctor on her behalf that will drug her with the good drugs. I’m all about the drugging…

I have a three year old that WILL.NOT.POOP. Something about the very idea of pooping does NOT scare the poop out of her. This is a huge road block in our quest for full potty-training accomplishments. You CANNOT get accepted into college if you are scared to poop.

I almost had a heart attack yesterday. Full on cardiac arrest because work has driven me to that point the past two weeks. I worked until 10:30 on Tuesday night because “someone” keeps making mistakes and that “someone” is NOT ME. Yesterday went to pot and I thought that I had ruined everyone’s life because of the way I had done something. I should note that I did it how I was told…but we all know how that works, don’t we. So things really DID go to pot but then got better because they all realized that I was PERFECT and did everything right…and that really is all that matters.

I had to skip out on a planned trip to Jamba Juice because Paige’s attitude prevented such a trip. Being a parent is HARD when you really, really, really want a Jamba and then your child you are treating to Jamba has a complete attitude and is rude to her mother and then you have to cancel the Jamba trip because children can’t be rewarded for bad behavior! Curses! Coincidentally, I also won the Worst Mother of the Year award for that one. I’d like to thank all the “little” people…

My husband sent me flowers last week and it wasn’t my birthday or our anniversary. The card said, “I hope this cheers up your day!! Love, Your Husband” and I’m seriously typing it word for word. What it should have said: “I am a complete ASS. You are the queen of the world and I shall worship the ground that you walk on because I am a COMPLETE ASS.” But of course, he would have to mean it and let the worshipping begin. He would also need to duct tape his mother’s mouth closed. That would score points.

I’d also like to note that there is a ‘fundraising event’ for the wicked preschool tonight that I really don’t want to go to but that I said that I would. It’s at a small, local amusement park complete with children’s noises and parents you want to strangle. I’m sure Oozie Lady and her pose will be there and I will feel sheepish. I did see O.L. last night as soccer practice, and that went very well…but still. She might feel safer in her pack and attack me. I also just want to go home and sleep because I really just want to sleep all that missed sleeping I have missed with the not sleeping.

And also, I want still want a Jamba.

But here’s hoping for a better week. I just don’t think I can handle another one like this one has been. I also don’t think that I can stay awake anymore. You think anyone will look for me if I hide in the supply closet?