Did I Go Too Far?
I dealt with the oozie holding Mrs. Cleaver the best way I know how. I wrote a letter. And while that simple act puts me one step closer to becoming my father, it’s how I can say what I mean and feel without letting my emotions get in the way. I didn’t hold back. I let loose.
Well, I pissed her off. HER…the one that pissed ME off. And after the hour long conversation I had with her resolved all of our issues, I’m left feeling guilty for attacking her…even though I felt attacked too.
In this big game of Life, with the current generation, there will continually be this war between moms who stay home with their kids and moms that go to a job outside of the home. I work damn hard at my job and then go home and work damn hard for my kids. But I don’t think that stay at home moms work any less hard. Our lives are just different. Moms that work outside the home constantly feel judged for what they are NOT doing instead of what they are. And I would guess that stay at home moms feel judged for the very fact that they choose to stay home with their kids.
Why can’t we have the best of both worlds?
I offended Oozie Lady because I mentioned that the preschool was geared towards moms who stay home. (And it is.) But she felt I was putting a negative connotation on stay at home moms…when really, I’m frustrated with the dynamics of the preschool. I WISH I could stay home with my kids. I do. But right now that isn’t an option and I have to work hard to find balance in my crazy life.
But the craziest part of this whole battle is that we really are on the same team: Working hard for our kids and family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and still there continues to be judgment. I feel badly for not seeing that, even though now I am glad that Oozie Lady sees my side of the story, too. But wouldn’t it have been easier to respect the positions we are both in? Respect the “job” that each of us does. To just respect each mother and how hard they work for their family.
I’m done battling.
Well, I pissed her off. HER…the one that pissed ME off. And after the hour long conversation I had with her resolved all of our issues, I’m left feeling guilty for attacking her…even though I felt attacked too.
In this big game of Life, with the current generation, there will continually be this war between moms who stay home with their kids and moms that go to a job outside of the home. I work damn hard at my job and then go home and work damn hard for my kids. But I don’t think that stay at home moms work any less hard. Our lives are just different. Moms that work outside the home constantly feel judged for what they are NOT doing instead of what they are. And I would guess that stay at home moms feel judged for the very fact that they choose to stay home with their kids.
Why can’t we have the best of both worlds?
I offended Oozie Lady because I mentioned that the preschool was geared towards moms who stay home. (And it is.) But she felt I was putting a negative connotation on stay at home moms…when really, I’m frustrated with the dynamics of the preschool. I WISH I could stay home with my kids. I do. But right now that isn’t an option and I have to work hard to find balance in my crazy life.
But the craziest part of this whole battle is that we really are on the same team: Working hard for our kids and family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and still there continues to be judgment. I feel badly for not seeing that, even though now I am glad that Oozie Lady sees my side of the story, too. But wouldn’t it have been easier to respect the positions we are both in? Respect the “job” that each of us does. To just respect each mother and how hard they work for their family.
I’m done battling.
posted by JP at 9/21/2005 12:02:00 AM
2 Comments:
Good for you for dealing with it. It is hard to confront people and to defend yourself when you feel attacked.
I am sorry that as women we spend so much of our time NOT being on the same team. I am sorry that you had to feel this way. I know that people work and stay at home for different reasons. Mostly it is financial, but not always. I wish it was enough to say "this is my choice, now lets all support each other". It is hard enough to be a mother, "stay at home" or "working", we could all use a little bit of support and help. I have been both and they each have their own challenges and benefits.
A mother has such an enormous influence in setting the tone of the home, even if you aren't there all day. An unhappy momma has an unhappy home. The most important things is to be as happy as you can about your situation (which is sounds like you are). It might not be the one you wish you had, but if you can be at peace with is you will be happier and the whole family will be happier as a result.
Sorry to be so long. This is an issue that seems to keep coming up in my world lately. We should start a movement call "Women supporting women in whatever they choose". It would be more helpful then all of us taking a corner and trying to make the rest of us thing that we are right (that is how I have felt a different phases in my life too). Think about how the women who choose not to have kids feel. Yikes.
R
I am able to stay home with my son..but not without having to defend why I am choosing what I choose. It's like enough all ready, you choose what is best for your family and I'll choose what is best for mine...and we'll all live happily ever after.
Anyway, I really enjoy your blog. I'm mormon also..but have been inactive for 2 years.(shame on me)
Anyway, if you get time check out my blog and please leave comments!! http://bamrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/
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